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NEWS ITEMS: January 2, 2010

RAF Waddington, U.K. - Civilians arming for Russian sniper hunt

Residents near this airbase in central eastern Britain are reporting increased security in the district. So far the Russian infiltrators responsible for sniping at AWACS aircraft based at the airfield have evaded capture.

Security teams with search lights and dogs are combing the area and movement in and out of the area is all but impossible with a thick cordon of troops and local law enforcement officers surrounding the base. Local ministry of defense officials are reluctant to comment about both the sniping incident and the subsequent man hunt.

"It's too early in the operation to comment, but since we are at war the citizenry must understand that security is ever at the forefront of our minds," a spokesperson told ENN in a telephone interview.

Nonetheless, the knowledge that Russian soldiers were on British soil brought out several Britons armed with hunting rifles and weapons dating back as far as World War Two.

"We'll be thrice damned 'efore we let the Rooshans to tread on our lands!" said one armed Briton.


Bonn, Germany - Star gazers get an eye full

A number of amateur astronomers in Europe claim seeing an unexplained anomaly in the New Year skies.

The first report made on the internet yesterday came from a woman in Bonn, Germany who stated seeing a "meteor-like" object streak very close to an American Lacrosse satellite.

U.S. and NATO representatives have not commented on the reports and are unwilling to speculate on what the astronomers may have seen. 


Reykevik, Iceland - Russian Forces Attack Air Base and Port

The port city of Reykevik and Keflavik Air Force Base were both attacked by Russian forces, with Keflavik all but destroyed.  Russian airborne troops now maintain control of Keflavik, but a snow storm that began at 6:00 pm local time has likely hampered any efforts to reinforce their success.

The storm ended at around 2:00 this morning and both NATO and indigenous units that survived the Keflavik assault are expected to engage the Russians before they have a chance to build on their success. 


Sweden / Finland / Cuba - Countries Declare Neutrality

The Swedish foreign minister issued a statement proclaiming Sweden's neutrality in the current conflict between Russia and NATO as a continuation of their long-standing policy. He warned all parties that Sweden will take any and all actions necessary to protect Swedish territory from incursions by either party. The Swedish defense forces have been placed on full alert and some reserve forces are being mobilized. 

Meanwhile, The Finnish foreign minister likewise proclaimed his country's neutrality. He recalled Finland's fierce defense in WWII against aggression and said that Finnish forces were prepared to do the same again. Finland has mobilized their reserves and are reinforcing the Northern Military Command. 

Both Governments also issued strong statements warning against the use of any chemicals weapons - prevailing winds would likely carry any persistent chemical agents towards Sweden and Finland. Both Countries threatened to enter the war if chemical weapons were used "within, near, or upwind" of their borders.

Cuba likewise declared it's neutrality and proclaimed they would only engage in defensive military actions. The Cuban dictator said they would not enter the war against the U.S. unless it violated Cuba's national interests. If that were to happen, it was stated that Cuban forces would be committed fully to entering the war in support of Russia.


Paris, France - Government begins bleaching flags

As the war enters its second day the French socialist party was in crisis trying to determine the best way to simultaneously surrender to both NATO and the Russian Union without provoking an international incident.


Atlanta, USA - New Career for Jeanie Most

Maxim Magazine (click to view cover)

Next month's Maxim Magazine cover featuring Jeanie Most (click to view)

Jeanie Most, fired from her job at ENN just a day ago, has been chosen as the cover model for next month's issue of Maxim Magazine. The magazine will feature a number of anchor women from major world television and internet networks in a section entitled "Girls in the News". 

This new career couldn't come at a better time for the journalist/model, since she was terminated from her position at ENN soon after yesterday's video report. A press release issued by ENN stated the reporter was suspected of being under the influence of Quaaludes - a prescription drug - while broadcasting live on the air. 

"Just look at the replay" said one anonymous source "She doesn't blink once!"